at the brink

So much that I’ve gone through in life 

Instances I never expected, never imagined suffocating me physically and psychologically 

Instances that are involuntarily self inflicting 

all these occurrences brutally impacting my life 

I don’t want to get into detail 

That’s exhausting as well 

I’ve been really thinking a lot 

Regardless of the physical pain I’m feeling 

I continue to ask God to help me achieve two specific goals in this life 

Yet I’m beginning to feel like what I’m asking for is not His purpose 

But what I’m annoyingly begging God for

out of humanly desire 

So what is my purpose? 

I don’t feel well equipped to succeed in this life 

I hate myself 

I hate my rebellious self 

I disappoint God and those close to me 

countless times 

Do I deserve God’s mercy? 

Do I deserve to live a happy healthy life? 

It seems far fetched 

I’m really clueless 

LOST 

I need saving 

I pray God saves me tonight and always 

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