So much that I’ve gone through in life
Instances I never expected, never imagined suffocating me physically and psychologically
Instances that are involuntarily self inflicting
all these occurrences brutally impacting my life
I don’t want to get into detail
That’s exhausting as well
I’ve been really thinking a lot
Regardless of the physical pain I’m feeling
I continue to ask God to help me achieve two specific goals in this life
Yet I’m beginning to feel like what I’m asking for is not His purpose
But what I’m annoyingly begging God for
out of humanly desire
So what is my purpose?
I don’t feel well equipped to succeed in this life
I hate myself
I hate my rebellious self
I disappoint God and those close to me
Do I deserve God’s mercy?
Do I deserve to live a happy healthy life?
It seems far fetched
I’m really clueless
I need saving
I pray God saves me tonight and always