Hope & Anxiety

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. From the untimely death of Christina Grimmie to the unfortunate massacre at Orlando’s Pulse Nightclub, with forty-nine people who had so much to live for.

I’m still trying to fathom why these atrocities had to occur and why there are people living in this world who are just ‘senseless‘ and ‘dehumanizing‘. My heart aches as I view countless social posts about the events. My heart aches for the families of Christina and those that died at the club.

I also began to realize that our lives can be taken in an instant, with no forewarning on ‘when’, ‘where’ or ‘how’ we will pass on. As a 19-year-old going on to 20, I fear for my life. I normally ask of god to extend my living days on earth but then again, only God has the final say to that. But, if God were to choose to take my life early, I need to be ready spiritually and be right with HIM.

I come from a religiously grounded family. However, I know that I’m a sinner and imperfect. Being a youth, you are pressured and influenced to do things of this world. With the type of music we listen to, the love for materialistic accessories and the obsessive nature of constantly being on social media sites, somewhat distracts us from working on our spirituality.

For the past month or so, I have been trying to re-establish my closeness with God, but it is my love for worldly music that is causing the ‘disconnectedness’ between me and HIM. I try to get rid of music playlists on my laptop and other devices but I just can’t seem to and I hate myself for it.

It will take a whole lot of sacrifice to let go of something that has always been apart of me. I do not know when but I will ‘need’ to and fast because we all do not have a lot of time on this earth and we all can’t serve two masters. I fear if I don’t make this change, I will end up where I  don’t want to be and that’s something that I never want, to occur.

I hope the next time I read this blog, I have achieved that goal and that I’m more closer to Jesus than I ever was.

The journey to be closer to God is never easy, being faced with trials and tribulations that the devil tries to inflict on your life but I will not give in to the devil nor will I give up my task to be right with God and I hope you (reading this) will do the same. 

Ps. please do care for one another. Life’s too short to be engulfed with hate, envy and pride. Spread Love for it is God’s principle. Live by it.

JOHN 3:16


2 Comments Add yours

  1. impurevirgin says:

    I used to go through the same exact thing and I only realized I was idolizing celebrities when I ended up buying a whole lot of things with their faces on it. I started to spend less time on Twitter and focused more on what life had in store for me rather than keeping up to date with the lives and music of other celebrities. It was till then did I realize that I needed God to help me through my problems and that’s when I became more closer to him. Thanks for sharing your experience & I do look forward to your next posts xx


    1. fedoraharryx says:

      Yeah I did the exact same thing. Remember when you gave me your posters of one direction last year, I was so happy that I finally get to have posters on my wall just like many other fans but then it was on a Sunday, and I thought to myself. Here I am, staring at the wall covered with posters. Will it bring you salvation? Where is God emphasized through that? I struggled trying to decide whether to take them down and store them in a safe box or just leave them on the wall :(. But it was a right thing to do for me to store them away safely. I mean I’m really struggling with trying to enjoy things of this world at this age but I feel it does not go with what God wants. It’s so hard !


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